Category Archives: As I See It


I’m sitting here on my couch shaking my head and wondering who the hell came up with this…..

Two OR more races NOT Hispanic OR Latino


White NOT Hispanic OR Latino

Questions on paperwork for a job or whatever these days…There’s other options as well but because I identify as umm…well….NEITHER one, I’m left out in the cold with what the hell to pick! So, basically if I select the color of my skin which is white, I can’t be Hispanic because I’m too pale? OR if I select Hispanic which is half of my nationality, I can’t be white because according to the options it’s just not freaking possible to be BOTH! I’m highly aggravated by this.

To whomever created that bullshit above to be included on just about everything we fill out these days, job applications, rental applications, credit applications, hell, even a store card like from the grocery store, they ask what the hell you are. WHAT does it matter? I ask ya.

OK, so it does have something to do with the law that every company must employ an equal amount of….I get that and that’s all fine and well but my bitch is why can’t I be both HISPANIC and WHITE?! Because WHITE IS just the color of the skin…Hispanic is ethnicity. WHITE is a color. Brown is a color. Black is a color. So, how do those either ors make any sense?

I AM both…I am Hispanic AND get this…though the color of my SKIN IS white I’m NOT white. UGH…OK, so I am however, Russian/Polish AND Hispanic…so technically I am OTHER on those forms because I refuse to identify as white when it’s just a color!!! Someone somewhere needs to change that whole freaking mess. I’m confused and there’s NO confused option to select.


Fiction has lost it’s fiction

1960101_747103341974769_722064445_nI came across this picture/ quote today on Facebook and I’ve been wanting to write a blog on this very thing for quite sometime. I just never have the time. Imagine that.

So, I’m taking the time now to do so.

According to Fiction is defined as:


1. the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration, especially in prose form.
2. works of this class, as novels or short stories: detective fiction.
3. something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story: We’ve all heard the fiction of her being in delicate health.
4. the act of feigning, inventing, or imagining.
5. an imaginary thing or event, postulated for the purposes of argument or explanation.
Here’s the link to see it yourself:
Where up there does it say anything about “reality” or “keeping it as close to reality as possible?” Not a single place. Fiction is imagination is over-drive with added excitement and thrills to help the reader “escape” the reality of life. IMO anyway…and it’s very closely related to how it’s defined.
For fun I looked up Non-fiction:
1. writing dealing with facts and events rather than imaginative narration
OH! Look at that…dealing with FACTS and events RATHER than IMAGINATIVE narration. (Rather than FICTION)
Which brings us to why I’ve been wanting to create this blog/post for a long time. OH, for about four years or so…Why?
I’ll say the biggest reason is because not only do I review FICTION books, but I write them too. And when I happen upon a review done by others and they say things along the lines of: “Well, that’s just not possible, that’s not how it works, that’s so not true, it took me out of the story because it’s not REALISTIC!”
Excuse me but WHAT?! Fiction stories are NOT real stories to start with. So, why in the name of hell would one want to have REALISM in a fictional story? If that’s the case, why not go pick up a NON-FICTION book and read that? Then one can get all the boring they want. OR learn all they want. OR experience all they want. Why do people who buy/borrow/steal a fiction story then piece by piece chop it up because it’s sooo unrealistic? See, that’s the point of a fictional story…its NOT meant to be realistic. It’s meant to take one away on a journey to a pretend land, place, with pretend people to see and read about their pretend lives. And it does NOT have to be labeled in the fictional section as “fantasy,” either. Not all fictional stories are fantasy. They are meant to resemble realistic situations but are not. And for those who can’t figure out the difference between fiction and non-fiction…um…perhaps close your eyes and try to allow your mind to relax and accept this for what it is.
When I see a review done on a fiction story and the reviewer/reader says something along the lines of: “It’s NOT realistic,” “It’s not the way it’s really done.” “Oh that character is so far out there I find it impossible to believe in him/her/it.” I want to scream.
I want so ask that person a few questions. So, since I can’t ask any single person in fear of setting said person off to then turn around and say: “OH, she’s a RANTING author. She’s behaving badly.”     (eye roll here)  As an author one can’t ask the reviewer/reader why they say such a thing in today’s world. They’ll develop a bad rap before you can snap your fingers. Don’t believe me? Just look up: Badly behaving authors…make sure you use the MM Genre when doing so. I totally understand why many of those labeled with the tag: Badly behaving author, are in that folder to start with. Many readers/reviewers don’t like just one thing, just one character, just one scene and voice their opinion, then others chime in to agree with the leader of the pack…(I guess they must find a place to fit in.)
One of my characters from the Lethal Obsession series is very flamboyant and very chatty and very loving, he’s someone I wouldn’t mind having in my life. He’s not afraid to speak his mind, he’s not ashamed of who he is, he’s proud to be gay, and loves his family dearly. He is who he is. Love him or leave him alone. But guess what…he’s NOT real… however, in saying that, there are men out in this big world who ARE just like him. So, when I was shown a review that someone wrote on that story and picked on Nicholas, I wanted to blow. How dare she say he’s fake and annoying and she could not stand  him due to his “ways” that she hated the story, and refused to finish the book. NEVER mind the fact that the story is incredibly deep on a level I don’t think she could get her mind to grab, never mind the fact that the story has more than ONE damn meaning. OH and lets not forget… When I write a story…the plot isn’t about sex. Can that story make it if I took out the sex scenes? YES. I’d rather not write a story with sex,  because that’s not the main focal point for my characters.  They find themselves in rather sticky situations and they don’t have time to stop what they’re doing to get off.  I like to say that or think that, we are only seeing a small part of these characters lives, and since I’m big on plot and characterization I’d rather spend that time writing for them showing what makes that part of their lives, or focusing on a special event in their lives that makes it story worthy. That’s my philosophy though.”He’s not realistic.” “He’s too gay.” “He’s like a kid.” I want to ask that individual how often s/he gets out to meet the people in the REAL world, not the so called fictional world created by a person who writes about pretend people in a pretend world, what in the name of hell is wrong with you? THERE are men just like him. Open your mind and eyes a bit. AND even IF there weren’t guess what? It’s a fictional character in a fictional story.
Soap operas- Fictional to the nth degree. Why are we so ready to get lost in a soap opera and take it for what it is, yet not able to take a fictional book the same way. There are characters that you love to hate and hate to love. There are story lines that really make no sense on any level and some that do.  Plot holes galore. I mean come on, when was the last time you saw one of them dressed in jeans with holes in them. OR living in a trailer in   a trailer park?  Better yet…do they even work? Sure, we “see” them in their offices, but you can bet they aren’t working. More often than not they’re either getting it on over the desk or fighting. That’s ALL they do while at work…and not all of them work. I suppose they stepped into money.
So, what’s the difference between the soap opera and a fictional story?
When I write a story, and I write deep angsty stuff that deals with “what could”‘ be happening, what probably has happened, what probably will happen, and what probably is happening, it’s still a fictional account of my characters and their fictional lives. Who gives anyone the right to say “It’s not really that way.” or “So unrealistic I had a hard time getting into it.” OR my least favorite of all time: “People aren’t like that.” I want to have a one on one with that person and ask “How do you know? It’s FICTION. It’s MADE up. It’s NOT meant to be real. It’s not a true story. It’s a story written by characters in my head that aren’t real to anyone but perhaps myself.”
Do you know how long research takes to write a fictional story? WE do have to put “realistic” parts that others probably don’t even thought to, just so that story is with the times and the characters are not using items that perhaps weren’t available to them at the time the story takes place. In writing Deserted I came up against this: Cell phones. I ended up cutting a scene that had dealt with one of the characters using his cell, but the story takes place in the 90’s. Have to keep them in order on a time line. And naturally I had something along the lines that the character had a touch screen. Then added a GPS feature. I read it over and realized that back then, we didn’t have touch screens as we do today and the GPS feature in the phones then are nothing like they are today. The scene wasn’t cut due to the phone, though. It was cut because it was in the first draft and no longer necessary by the second/third go over.
In that, fictional books do take some research so they don’t throw a reader out of the story over the small stuff. But when it comes to the characters and what’s going on during that time of their lives, take it for what it is. Allow yourself to believe. Not everything has to be real.

Never! Ever! Again!


They say never trust what you don’t see. I’ve learned that the hard way. I guess one can say I’m too gullible. I know I am. I always want to believe what others tell me. I want to believe there is good in this messy world. I wanted to believe that someone I considered a very close and personal friend, was a close and personal friend. Turns out, once again I was wrong.

My family warned me, told me there’s something not right about that person. Did I listen? I wish I would have. I wish I would have opened my damn eyes and paid attention to my gut instincts. I always have before but when it came to this so called friend, I forced those feelings away. I wanted to believe this person was being honest with me. I wanted to think I was worth that respect. I wanted to believe so I did.

Two years and a lot of conversations. All of that gone to waste. Gone with that is my ability to trust what I cannot see. I wrote a post not long ago about this very subject. I had suspicions a year ago and I kept ignoring it.

Sadly, on Halloween my suspicions came to light and quite by accident. I didn’t go looking for it it came looking for me. In 2011 I was sent a picture of this friend’s boyfriend. Last night I found out this picture, or pictures I should say, as he sent many of them, were stolen from the damn Internet and sent to me via email telling me the person in the picture was so and so. I didn’t question it. I glanced at it and let it be. I TRUSTED that individual. I TRUSTED he wouldn’t lie to me. I think I  knew then he was lying. But at the time, I needed someone to talk to, I needed someone outside of the writing world, someone outside of my family to talk to and connect with. I needed an unbiased person to talk with. I didn’t know that person would become very special to me. I cared very much about the person I’d met via another friend. I guess I WANTED to believe so I did. I saw many warning signs, but I ignored them because at the time I had too much in my life to deal with, and none of it pleasant. That so called friend made me laugh, made me happy, made me a better person all the way around. That person showed me it was okay to love me, to be proud of myself, to accept and never to judge. That person was, is, so wise. And sadly, I never once got to talk to that individual, never got to hear the voice behind the words. That person added positive into my world when I needed it the most. I loved that person for being able to be what I needed him to be. Always there for me, always willing to talk, always listening, never judging, but often giving opinions. Wise words all the time.

I looked forward to talking, or I should say im’ing with them, and I say them because the friend I’d met him through was also a part of what I needed. They, as a team, helped me in many ways and I never once got to hear his voice to say, thank you. And I know I never will. I know he’s not out there. I know he is someone, I just don’t know who he is, if he is. He’s never offered to prove a damn thing to me. I trusted him to come to me with it. I left him or her plenty of openings to come to me and tell me. I did press the issue a few times over the past two years, wishing I could hear his voice or even see current pictures of him and his boyfriend. Even a picture of his new nephew. Each request was ignored. Oftentimes he’d engage in my questions and say out of respect for his partner he could not talk on the phone, and he could not send pictures. And he is, or I’m told he is a Dom. And he’d get mad at me for asking for that information. I know I should have just walked away and I wish I did then what I am doing now.

Whatever he is, whoever he is, if he does exist, I had to get this out of me and talk about it. This is how I communicate the best. Word to paper, so to speak. Publically I’m thanking him for his emotional support, and publically I’m thanking him for his advice. Publically I wanted it to be known that I am a very open minded person, always have been and suspect always will be. However, until I’m proven wrong I no longer can trust by the typed word only. If I can’t talk to someone I adore, trust, care about, be they guy, girl, or alien, on the phone and meet in person at least once, I have no interest in engaging in a “relationship” beyond a general hello good to see you are okay, one. I can’t. My emotional wellbeing can’t take anymore lies by people I allow myself to care about. Believe me you’ve made me very aware of how creepy the internet can be.

It’s partially my fault for being so damn gullible, but I blame him for taking that and making a fool out of me. Making me feel like the dumbest person on the planet. I blame whoever it is behind those words. I gave that person two years to come to me with the truth and NOT A SINGLE WORD. Instead, he now hides and has yet to try to explain shit to me. While it’s true I didn’t exactly try to talk to him on my find, instead I sent him a link to his so called boyfriend’s Flickr page. He said, “What about it?” I was too angry to respond and haven’t.

Apparently his dad died recently, and God I hope he’s real and this is true because to say something so sad and it be a lie, well Momma Karma is waiting around the corner.

My head is trying to make excuses for him now. Well, I keep fighting those damn excuses he could possibly come up with and remember how sick this world is and how sick people can be.

He said via email the pictures he attached in the mail were of his boyfriend. HE SAID IT. I did not ask it. HE sent the emails all on his own. So, what excuses are there for that? “Let’s see how we can make her look like an idiot?!” Come to mind. Let’s take this trusting individual and fuck her head up even more. Let’s take this trusting person, befriend her, lie to her, and make her look more the fool.

Well, if you’re reading this, you did it. Are you happy now?

And thanks to you and your boyfriend… Or you and your girlfriend. Or you, whoever you are and your friend(s). Thank you for taking my trust and destroying me with it. Thank you for making me a whole hell of a lot more conscious of who tries to befriend me because now I’m not open to it. Thank you for helping me too. Thank you for being who I needed you to be at the time. Thank you for making me feel bad for you, feel hurt with you, feel worry with you and for you. Thank you for the lovely necklace and bracelet. Thank you for giving me hope. And thank you for waking me the fuck up.

I hate you for your lies. I hate you for not trusting in me, as I did you. I hate that you are now laughing behind my back with your friends, friend, or all by yourself. Thank your boyfriend, who used to chat online too. He also sent false pictures of himself and proudly stood behind them. He even sent a picture he “took” and changed… He found that online too. I found it the other night and he did not take it or accent it, or she, or whoever you all are. He used it to lie. So, now you are both liars. If I dug deeper I’d probably discover you live somewhere in Washington. You played a sick game. And I hate you for it.

As I See It 2

As I See It


Hump Daaay!! Ha! That damn camel from that Geico commercial comes to mind right? Admit it! It’s so stupid it’s funny.


Anyways… I worked too hard today. I’m brain fried. Or is that a fried brain? Who cares. Point is my head isn’t working with my fingers. I spend much of my day interviewing people or listening to calls. That has a way of killing the muse at times. My muse never woke up today. Brat!

I have to share this with you because there is no way it’s going to sit in my head and only in my head. I was looking for a video and somehow or another ended up looking on Yahoo instead of Youtube. Why? Look up to the last paragraph. And what I saw I can’t unsee and I want to unsee! I tried finding a commercial that makes me laugh every time it comes on and because I write what I do, I have the safety option turned off on all the search engines I use to do research. For the love of all that’s pure and innocent!!! Yahoo really made me almost throw up. Not even kidding. I’m disturbed and I need a strong drink. Small problem there. I don’t drink. So, while looking for that commercial I came across a damn video of beastiality. NO! I did NOT watch it. The clip on the screen hurt my eyeballs! What is wrong with people??? They are sick! Sick! Sick people I tell you. I mean who the hell does that shit? I know and have known it’s out there, however I never went looking for it and I refuse to write it. It’s just downright disgusting and people who do that need to be shot. In the head. Twice. My pure innocent eyes are hurting and my brain went into OHNOSHEDIDN’T!! drive. BLECH!

Okay, I need happy. I need something sweet. HA! I say this now and my mom brings me a cupcake with pink frosting and OMG! It’s hellish sweet.

Here’s something awesome I found when I went to check my email earlier. I have to say it’s pretty awesome and I hope you all share this with everyone you know. These kids are amazing!

 Follow Link Here


Chat tomorrow!!