Category Archives: Misc

WTH?!

I’m sitting here on my couch shaking my head and wondering who the hell came up with this…..

Two OR more races NOT Hispanic OR Latino

OR

White NOT Hispanic OR Latino

Questions on paperwork for a job or whatever these days…There’s other options as well but because I identify as umm…well….NEITHER one, I’m left out in the cold with what the hell to pick! So, basically if I select the color of my skin which is white, I can’t be Hispanic because I’m too pale? OR if I select Hispanic which is half of my nationality, I can’t be white because according to the options it’s just not freaking possible to be BOTH! I’m highly aggravated by this.

To whomever created that bullshit above to be included on just about everything we fill out these days, job applications, rental applications, credit applications, hell, even a store card like from the grocery store, they ask what the hell you are. WHAT does it matter? I ask ya.

OK, so it does have something to do with the law that every company must employ an equal amount of….I get that and that’s all fine and well but my bitch is why can’t I be both HISPANIC and WHITE?! Because WHITE IS just the color of the skin…Hispanic is ethnicity. WHITE is a color. Brown is a color. Black is a color. So, how do those either ors make any sense?

I AM both…I am Hispanic AND get this…though the color of my SKIN IS white I’m NOT white. UGH…OK, so I am however, Russian/Polish AND Hispanic…so technically I am OTHER on those forms because I refuse to identify as white when it’s just a color!!! Someone somewhere needs to change that whole freaking mess. I’m confused and there’s NO confused option to select.

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River of Tears is based on a series of true events

In 2009 I took a step that changed me for the better, though some would disagree I’m sure. Matters not. I did it. I published my very first book. That’s something I’d wanted to do since I was a little girl.

River of Tears has been released. The final edition. I’ve learned a lot since I released it in 2009. I’ve become a stronger writer. One who knows how to make you feel, even if you don’t want to. I take pride in that ability. While I continue to grow as a writer, a story-teller, my River is one that I’m super proud of.

It’s about something that isn’t often written about. Not to say it hasn’t been done, I mean there’s all sorts of stories that deal with adults who come up missing and end up dead-mostly due to money, ransom issues. Not many of them, if any, have to do with that adults family being the nappers. This story is based off of true events and real people. In fact, I know the people very well. What’s between the covers of that story is one hell of a powerful testimony given to you by the people who lived it.

Recently, the man who took a secondary role in the story, Brad is his name, died last month. His real name was Johnny. His part in the story is real. And before I sent the book to print, I revised it and added a memorial at the end of the story….Here’s the picture of the people this story is about: Caiden and Brad 1

Well, in part…the guy at the left is Caiden, and the story was inspired by the events in his real life. The guy on the right is Brad, Caiden’s best friend in the story, and in real life, Franks best friend, Johnny.

One friend is all we need to get from point A to Z. One friend who knows you better than you know yourself. One friend to make you laugh when you need to cry. One friend to hold you up when all you want to do is fall. One friend. That’s who Johnny was to and for Frank. And, yes, it was the other way as well. They were best friends. They had each others backs. Then they grew up and went their ways, but in the end, it’s the picture you see, they never stopped being best friends to the end.

River of Tears isn’t about Brad, but he plays a big part in it. River of Tears is about adult kidnapping. And when I say kidnapping I mean kidnapping. Physically. But have you thought about emotional kidnapping? Yeah, that does exist and that is what I lived through….So, to read this story is to read some of my life. What’s true and what’s not? Interesting, right?

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River of Tears is about a woman’s struggle as she searches for her missing husband, which leads to shocking revelations about him, his family, and the crime of adult kidnapping.

Abby meets Caiden when she is sixteen years old at nineteen they marry and after seven years of marriage it ends. She is left alone with her children and the bloody clothes Caiden was last seen in.

Knowing her husband isn’t dead, Abby begins a search that takes her from Arizona to Arkansas and lasts for a span of eight years.

More determined than ever to locate her husband, before he’s killed, Abby hires a private investigator who opens the doors to Caiden’s private world of hell.

Buy Link: River of Tears

Never! Ever! Again!

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They say never trust what you don’t see. I’ve learned that the hard way. I guess one can say I’m too gullible. I know I am. I always want to believe what others tell me. I want to believe there is good in this messy world. I wanted to believe that someone I considered a very close and personal friend, was a close and personal friend. Turns out, once again I was wrong.

My family warned me, told me there’s something not right about that person. Did I listen? I wish I would have. I wish I would have opened my damn eyes and paid attention to my gut instincts. I always have before but when it came to this so called friend, I forced those feelings away. I wanted to believe this person was being honest with me. I wanted to think I was worth that respect. I wanted to believe so I did.

Two years and a lot of conversations. All of that gone to waste. Gone with that is my ability to trust what I cannot see. I wrote a post not long ago about this very subject. I had suspicions a year ago and I kept ignoring it.

Sadly, on Halloween my suspicions came to light and quite by accident. I didn’t go looking for it it came looking for me. In 2011 I was sent a picture of this friend’s boyfriend. Last night I found out this picture, or pictures I should say, as he sent many of them, were stolen from the damn Internet and sent to me via email telling me the person in the picture was so and so. I didn’t question it. I glanced at it and let it be. I TRUSTED that individual. I TRUSTED he wouldn’t lie to me. I think I  knew then he was lying. But at the time, I needed someone to talk to, I needed someone outside of the writing world, someone outside of my family to talk to and connect with. I needed an unbiased person to talk with. I didn’t know that person would become very special to me. I cared very much about the person I’d met via another friend. I guess I WANTED to believe so I did. I saw many warning signs, but I ignored them because at the time I had too much in my life to deal with, and none of it pleasant. That so called friend made me laugh, made me happy, made me a better person all the way around. That person showed me it was okay to love me, to be proud of myself, to accept and never to judge. That person was, is, so wise. And sadly, I never once got to talk to that individual, never got to hear the voice behind the words. That person added positive into my world when I needed it the most. I loved that person for being able to be what I needed him to be. Always there for me, always willing to talk, always listening, never judging, but often giving opinions. Wise words all the time.

I looked forward to talking, or I should say im’ing with them, and I say them because the friend I’d met him through was also a part of what I needed. They, as a team, helped me in many ways and I never once got to hear his voice to say, thank you. And I know I never will. I know he’s not out there. I know he is someone, I just don’t know who he is, if he is. He’s never offered to prove a damn thing to me. I trusted him to come to me with it. I left him or her plenty of openings to come to me and tell me. I did press the issue a few times over the past two years, wishing I could hear his voice or even see current pictures of him and his boyfriend. Even a picture of his new nephew. Each request was ignored. Oftentimes he’d engage in my questions and say out of respect for his partner he could not talk on the phone, and he could not send pictures. And he is, or I’m told he is a Dom. And he’d get mad at me for asking for that information. I know I should have just walked away and I wish I did then what I am doing now.

Whatever he is, whoever he is, if he does exist, I had to get this out of me and talk about it. This is how I communicate the best. Word to paper, so to speak. Publically I’m thanking him for his emotional support, and publically I’m thanking him for his advice. Publically I wanted it to be known that I am a very open minded person, always have been and suspect always will be. However, until I’m proven wrong I no longer can trust by the typed word only. If I can’t talk to someone I adore, trust, care about, be they guy, girl, or alien, on the phone and meet in person at least once, I have no interest in engaging in a “relationship” beyond a general hello good to see you are okay, one. I can’t. My emotional wellbeing can’t take anymore lies by people I allow myself to care about. Believe me you’ve made me very aware of how creepy the internet can be.

It’s partially my fault for being so damn gullible, but I blame him for taking that and making a fool out of me. Making me feel like the dumbest person on the planet. I blame whoever it is behind those words. I gave that person two years to come to me with the truth and NOT A SINGLE WORD. Instead, he now hides and has yet to try to explain shit to me. While it’s true I didn’t exactly try to talk to him on my find, instead I sent him a link to his so called boyfriend’s Flickr page. He said, “What about it?” I was too angry to respond and haven’t.

Apparently his dad died recently, and God I hope he’s real and this is true because to say something so sad and it be a lie, well Momma Karma is waiting around the corner.

My head is trying to make excuses for him now. Well, I keep fighting those damn excuses he could possibly come up with and remember how sick this world is and how sick people can be.

He said via email the pictures he attached in the mail were of his boyfriend. HE SAID IT. I did not ask it. HE sent the emails all on his own. So, what excuses are there for that? “Let’s see how we can make her look like an idiot?!” Come to mind. Let’s take this trusting individual and fuck her head up even more. Let’s take this trusting person, befriend her, lie to her, and make her look more the fool.

Well, if you’re reading this, you did it. Are you happy now?

And thanks to you and your boyfriend… Or you and your girlfriend. Or you, whoever you are and your friend(s). Thank you for taking my trust and destroying me with it. Thank you for making me a whole hell of a lot more conscious of who tries to befriend me because now I’m not open to it. Thank you for helping me too. Thank you for being who I needed you to be at the time. Thank you for making me feel bad for you, feel hurt with you, feel worry with you and for you. Thank you for the lovely necklace and bracelet. Thank you for giving me hope. And thank you for waking me the fuck up.

I hate you for your lies. I hate you for not trusting in me, as I did you. I hate that you are now laughing behind my back with your friends, friend, or all by yourself. Thank your boyfriend, who used to chat online too. He also sent false pictures of himself and proudly stood behind them. He even sent a picture he “took” and changed… He found that online too. I found it the other night and he did not take it or accent it, or she, or whoever you all are. He used it to lie. So, now you are both liars. If I dug deeper I’d probably discover you live somewhere in Washington. You played a sick game. And I hate you for it.

As I See It 2

As I See It

 

Hump Daaay!! Ha! That damn camel from that Geico commercial comes to mind right? Admit it! It’s so stupid it’s funny.

 

Anyways… I worked too hard today. I’m brain fried. Or is that a fried brain? Who cares. Point is my head isn’t working with my fingers. I spend much of my day interviewing people or listening to calls. That has a way of killing the muse at times. My muse never woke up today. Brat!

I have to share this with you because there is no way it’s going to sit in my head and only in my head. I was looking for a video and somehow or another ended up looking on Yahoo instead of Youtube. Why? Look up to the last paragraph. And what I saw I can’t unsee and I want to unsee! I tried finding a commercial that makes me laugh every time it comes on and because I write what I do, I have the safety option turned off on all the search engines I use to do research. For the love of all that’s pure and innocent!!! Yahoo really made me almost throw up. Not even kidding. I’m disturbed and I need a strong drink. Small problem there. I don’t drink. So, while looking for that commercial I came across a damn video of beastiality. NO! I did NOT watch it. The clip on the screen hurt my eyeballs! What is wrong with people??? They are sick! Sick! Sick people I tell you. I mean who the hell does that shit? I know and have known it’s out there, however I never went looking for it and I refuse to write it. It’s just downright disgusting and people who do that need to be shot. In the head. Twice. My pure innocent eyes are hurting and my brain went into OHNOSHEDIDN’T!! drive. BLECH!

Okay, I need happy. I need something sweet. HA! I say this now and my mom brings me a cupcake with pink frosting and OMG! It’s hellish sweet.

Here’s something awesome I found when I went to check my email earlier. I have to say it’s pretty awesome and I hope you all share this with everyone you know. These kids are amazing!

 Follow Link Here

 

Chat tomorrow!!

Wanna win and hear me? Live? Read more!

I had the wonderful opportunity to be a guest on “Edge Blog Talk Radio,” where they walk a fine line between “edgier” and “trashy”. I was sent many questions and asked to pick twenty of them to chat about with the lovely Vicktor Alexander. Now, you’re sitting there and saying, ‘okay, so what.’

Well, let me tell you this. This is the first time I’m actually going live with someone else asking the questions. Exciting for me for sure and a wild ride!

Now, since I was sent seventy questions and chose twenty, there’s still some left over! So, I decided to answer a few here just for fun!

I’m also going to have a bit of fun with this. I’ll be releasing “Lethal Obsession: Deserted early fall, which actually means very soon. So, how about a free copy? A gift from me to you. I love giving gifts. And since I’m not rolling in the dough, the only thing I can give of me is a story I slaved over for quite a long time.

I keep blogs at four sites. Each site will have ONE winner that will get a FREE copy of Carl and Lucca’s story. The official blurb hasn’t been written yet but it’s the story before Caged.

Anyways, here we go with some of the questions I didn’t answer for Vic.

1-    Name a fictional character that is your ideal lover. I’m laughing here because my lover would have to be fictional as I have yet to meet that special one man who is as hot, as adventurous, as sweet, as alpha, as everything that most fictional characters are.

2-    What is your favorite and/or least favorite word for:  Penis?  Vagina?  Sex? I did a post last year on the many words writers use for a man’s penis. Here’s the link: Penis So I’ll say pretty much all of those would not make my favorite list. I don’t have a favorite list to be honest. A penis is a penis is a penis. A Vagina, same thing. And Sex… well I could go on and on with this one. ‘Doin’ the dirty,’ is my least favorite and my favorite is, ‘Fuck like monkey’s.’ Why? I have NO clue but I have to laugh when I hear it.

3-    Have you ever played out a fantasy in your story? Well no… However if I ever find that perfect man, who is like the fictional character from question one I would. I so would!

4-    How do you react to a bad review of your work? Honestly I don’t ever read reviews of my work. I did when I first released Tony and Ryan and a group of mean people from a social networking site attacked those poor characters and then me, then they attacked Caged from what I know, so since then I stopped reading them. A review is ONE person’s opinion about something they may or may not be comfortable with. In my case, in my stories, I am a dark writer, I do focus on angsty fiction and it can get harsh, but in that, there’s a deep story line with very engaging characters who would love for their readers to get to know, but just like in real life, not everyone loves everyone. So they won’t all love the characters or their situation. Just like I don’t like crackheads who beg, borrow, and steal to feed their nasty habit. It’s all good.

5-    Who would play you in the film of your life? Well, if it’s about me why can’t I play me? I know me best after all.

6-     Have you ever used a line from one of your books on someone? What was it? I do not. I never steal my character’s stuff.

7-    Describe your fantasy vacation. One guess….did you guess? Well if not, read Lethal Obsession and you’ll soon know!

8-    What is your guilty pleasure? So, if I don’t say chocolate and strawberries will you still love me? HA! I’m really a nerd at heart so in saying that I LOVE to do jigsaw puzzles and crafts when I can. I even LOVE to color!

9-    Who are the top five celebrities men and women that you would sleep with and why? Not a one of them. Why? Cuz they sleep with everyone! I don’t want their cooties!

10- What is something that people would be surprised to know about you? This one I’m not answering. Why? Because this is where the free book comes in. You ask me any question, (within reason) you’d like and keep it nice please and the best question asked wins the book!

So, for more of me….remember to go to: Write on the Edge to hear me answer Vic’s questions. WHEE!!! I will be there on the 9th of August. Or somewhere…

When will we learn?

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I must ask…Do you think it’s okay to bully/pick on people “below” you? OR I should say…people you THINK are below you? Especially, if the one doing the picking, is or considers itself someone “special?” I’m willing to bet you’ll say no.

Let me also ask, if you saw, read, heard one of your idols… I do hate that word, simply because we are all the same, just diverse with different genetic patterns…so let me replace that “idol” word with someone you admire for whatever reason…they, it, s/he could be a writer, an actor, a musician, hell, anyone famous or thinks they are famous, would you go along with that person if you caught it picking on, laughing at, bullying someone else just because they do it?

Lord help your soul if you do.

And if you do, if you’re that weak of a person, please I ask that you look up there to the right of the page and hit that X.

Bullying of any sort, from anyone in today’s society is something I will not tolerate, is something that none of us should tolerate. And if you do, because your so called idol does, shame on you. We are to stand against bullies and that means we stand against ALL bullies. And to think this so called public figure makes money off the very people it picks on. TSK

Public figures that bully, and I do not care if it’s in jest, should be taken down and thrown away. There is no excuse and there is no room for it. Everyone can be replaced.

 

Pause

Just a few things

 

Since coming to Arizona on a sabbatical I’ve learned how to stop worrying so much about accepting what I cannot change and learning how to appreciate what I have and who I am. I said trying. Nothing can happen overnight. I’m slowly seeing the world around me, by myself and looking at it with a new set of eyes so to speak.

In everyday life most of the world or I should say the people in the world are just so damn busy they don’t have the time to stop and take in what’s around them and I’m not speaking about family and or friends. I’m talking about the world itself and the place and city you’re living in. I had a chance to do that and it gave me a renewed sense of energy and appreciation. I’ve always been too busy to stop, drop and look. It’s not something I can afford to do often, but I want to. It’s relaxing and it clears my mind of the projects I must get done. We’re not robots, we’re meant to stop and take a look around, take a breath, see the place you’re at with a renewed sense of wonder. We can’t pop the DVD of our life in the player hit the play button, rewind and play again. We need to learn how to hit the pause button so we can take a deep cleansing breath.

Now, I know busy is busy. Projects are due, children need you, your partner needs you, family and friends need you and you really don’t mind in any way helping, giving, and doing. However, if we keep playing and rewinding, guess what’s going to happen? Yup, break down is inevitable. Be it an anxiety issue, moods up and down, depression, or a number of other physical or mental aliments, a breakdown is lingering. A year from now, two, five, or even ten.

So, in saying that, I want to encourage you to hit that pause button. Go ahead. No time like the present.

This is what happened to me when I hit it.

Can you see it? SQUEE!!! I LOVE LIZARDS. It took all I had NOT to scream and jump up and down in pure glee! This little one actually stayed there long enough for me to take several pictures of it.

I caught this lovely Quail while out and about. This is the male and his mate and kidlets were most likely in those bushes hiding. He’s the lookout making sure his family was safe from predators. Quail’s are amazing birds, very family oriented and they always travel together. The male and female are amazing parents to their young.

This was taken where I’m living. I caught some of the Quail family. Most had already headed to the brush to hide but I did get pretty close before the parents told the kidlets to hide.

And here is a wild bun bun. He’s not a jack-rabbit. LOL! If you look behind him, those dark spots are the Quail. I was standing pretty far away at this time and had to zoom my phone in to get the rabbit. That was a fast wabbit.

Can you see it? This is another lizard! Up close it’s different colored. He was having a tanning moment. And he’s pretty big too.

This is just a picture of where I’m at and my girl there. But if you really stop/pause and take a look you’ll see much more than Abby. Tell me what these buildings remind you of. Look at those “green” trees. Don’t forget I’m in Arizona!

This is what I’ll call the Desert Watering Bowl. Just in case you’re wondering why that part is lying there, it’s due to the “wild pigs” we have running around in the desert and washes. We call them: Havalina. Not very nice even as piglets.

And seeing as how I’m staying with my mum at the moment, I thought it only right that you see exactly how busy it is here during rush hour. Oh the pain of it all! And this is a main road! Now don’t get all troubled, the “snow birds” will be back when it’s cooler out. I hear the wait time to turn is something like five minutes! Again, the pains. In Denver? OH, about twice that, IF you’re a gutsy driver. If not? Just go home and stay there.

These pictures are just some of the things I’ve seen when I put that pause button to work. It pays to take a short walk and really “look” around you. We do live in a lovely world. Even if this IS the desert. And no, I’m not hunting rattlesnakes.